When Do You Give Yourself a Kick in the Ass?

I recently was given the task of being non-judgmental for a total of 6 hours. ( sleeping didn’t count). I can’t believe how hard it is to be accepting of yourself and others around you. I have judgments about everything: how my hair looks, how someone wears their jeans, how others communicate, how lazy some customer service people are, how slow my dog is walking. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed, it’s Judgement Day! 

When should you let go and accept things and people as they are? When should you learn to accept yourself for all that you are? It’s a fine line because I tend to think that sometimes I need a good kick in the ass to get me motivated. I’m not the only one that thinks that way because someone else brought it up to me as well. 

Where do you draw the line between acceptance and judgment? 

” Are You In The Business?”

Last Night, my husband and I went to see a play at The Underground Theater in Hollywood. I’ve been trying to get him to see my side of fun for years: art and theater. I eventually got him around to seeing that we need a balance of his foodie adventures and basketball games and my need for a little more cultured activities. Don’t get me wrong, I love a great restaurant and a Clippers or Lakers game. I just crave the arts, too. 

We had seen a play last weekend as my Valentine’s Day present also. Both were fantastic. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, I highly recommend checking Goldstar.com and finding some local productions. You most likely won’t be disappointed. Be sure to read the reviews. This particular theater we went to last night wasn’t visually appealing from the outside. In fact, I’d call it downright sketchy looking. But I was extremely impressed with the performance. I guess that’s all that matters since that is what we were there for. Not necessarily the ambiance. 

As we were waiting for the show to open, I struck up conversation with another gentleman.  Let me correct that, he struck up conversation with me. I guess I have a friendly face because people ALWAYS talk to me. I’m not going to complain because I’m a people person. I love observing people and learning about them. I just think it’s funny how they seem drawn to me and just start speaking of whatever comes to their mind. 

Anyway, he was asking if it was my first time at the theater. Yes, it was. How did I hear about the play? Goldstar. Turns out he did as well. He even told me about some other sites to check out for discounted theater tickets. ( Score!) Then he asked, So are you in the Business? My cheeks immediately flushed. Me? In the Business? LOL. No, Sir I’m not in the business. I’m not even a barista who carries their screenplay in their back pocket hoping that a Director will come in and order a latte. 

I have to admit it was a tad bit comical, but also a tad bit flattering. But then I have to remember that we’re in Los Angeles. Everyone is in the business some kind of way or knows someone who is. No sir, I’m not in the business. However, if you’re an agent and you’re out scouting…. How do I look in this light? Are you signing new actresses? a

I need work. 

Garnier Olia- A BzzCampaign Review

I was recently chosen to take part in a product review study of the new Garnier Hair Coloring System- Olia. It’s an oil-based permanent hair coloring kit. It comes with your standard three steps: Developer, Color, and Conditioner. But the applicator and the formula are where this product stands out. The applicator has an egg shape to it with a long tip for easy application to your roots. I showed my husband and he said it looks like a faberge egg. Not quite as fancy, but the shape I suppose has some resemblance.

I usually dye my hair every month. No, my blonde is not entirely fake. I’m naturally a dark blonde. But I like to lighten it, so I dye my hair. I normally use a different product, but I have used the Garnier brand in the past. I have to say one of my favorite things about Garnier products is the scent. Even something like hair dye has an amazing fruity scent. Two thumbs up for Garnier.

The color I went with was Medium Golden Blonde. I usually use a Light Golden Blonde, but my CVS didn’t have a very large collection of the color range. I have since found out that there is a lighter golden blonde available. I definitely will have to try that next. The Medium Golden Blonde was a bit too dark for my preference. Whatever color you are looking for, be sure to check the back of the box to see how the color will look in the after results. They provide swatches which is helpful.

The formula was creamy. Much creamier than the normal product I use. The only downside I would have to say about the product is the price. It’s $8.99 for the box. Yes, definitely less expensive than the salon, but pricier than some other brands. With maintaining my color every single month ( 4-6 weeks is recommended), I want to get the best deal possible.

Overall, I was impressed. I’ll insert some before/after photos. Happy Hair Coloring!

Image

Before Photo

Image

After Photo

code <img src=”https://img.bzzagent.com/image/olia.jpg?Type=activity&Activity=4071602637&Campaign=8240009424&Uid=1376086&token=05f01a0d5cd2249ce380cb1f2d9facda&#8221; alt=””/>

 

Unbalanced Dreams or Balanced Dreams?

It’s three in the morning as I am typing this. I’ve had yet another dream that causes me to not be able to fall back asleep. This time it was a dream about working as an Office Assistant for one of my mother’s old boyfriends. I know what the dream is trying to tell me, and it was unnerving to go back in time and see this particular person. The dream is telling me that I was often put in situations where I felt unprotected and uncomfortable. I didn’t have a choice back then to speak up. A current situation was that I quit a job as an Office Assistant because it wasn’t for me and some other situations I wont detail. I do have the choice now to do what is best for me.

I’ve been having a lot of these realization dreams. I don’t know if I am just becoming more aware these days or if it is something else. I do know that even though the message is good; I hate being transported back to my past. I’ve been working so hard to overcome it. I’ve been choosing wisely who gets to stay in my inner circle and realized it can be a lonely yet peaceful place. I don’t want my past to define me anymore. I’m a strong woman with choices now and not a victim of an abusive and neglected childhood.

Now if I can only get my dreams to start showing me my future. I might like that better.

Worthless

I talk a great game most of the time about how I’m learning to be more self assured, but the truth is I’m scared shitless. I’m a twenty-something trying to find my way in the world and sometimes it feels like there won’t ever be a clear path. I’m learning what I will accept and what I won’t accept, but sometimes that means that other people won’t accept that. Sometimes people get in my way because they don’t like seeing me change. I’ve always felt worthless without their approval and therefore, stopped my progress and reverted back to how they felt comfortable with me. 

But by doing that, I’ve wasted a whole lot of time. Precious time, time that I could have been feeding my creativity, self worth and finding something that lit me up from the inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of seeking approval from others to know that I’m “ok.” I’m fine just as I am, now. It’s okay to be scared shitless. Life is hard. But you can’t stay scared. You can’t stay complacent. 

Today, I had a list of things I wanted to get done today. I got some of them done and others I didn’t. I felt anxious that I didn’t get them all done. I felt like I could be doing more. But truth is, any movement forward is STILL forward. I have to learn to be patient with myself. I have to learn that I’m good enough. I’m not any others’ judgments or perceptions. I only have to answer to one. ( well, okay maybe two… if you’re including myself and God) 

I’m not worthless. Neither are you. Have a great day. 

Not Second Anymore.

I used to put everyone before myself, but not anymore. I’m looking out for numero uno these days with the guidance of my higher power. It’s exhausting trying to make everyone else happy ( and failing miserably because they are unhappy with themselves), so I’m not doing it anymore. I recently had someone tell me that I’m surrounded by idiots that don’t realize what a gem they have in me. I used to be so HARD on myself because of how other people reacted and treated me. Now, I just let them be. I’m trying to disassociate myself with narcissistic people.

It’s been a journey. It’s like that quote in Perks of Being a Wallflower, We accept the love we think we deserve. We accept a lot of things that we shouldn’t have to. Guess what? You don’t have to. Life is all about choices. You choose who gets to stay in your life. ( With the exception of the annoying coworker) We don’t always choose who walks in, but we do choose to interact or not.

There are little things I’m noticing now that I’m more aware. I’m not taking on the responsibility of other people’s problems. I only have one life. I choose to maximize my happiness. I choose to be at peace with myself. I choose to listen to god’s plan for me and not try to prove myself to anyone else. I choose to be around supportive people who understand me.

I don’t come second to anyone. Instinctually, if we are drowning and we have a life-preserver… we aren’t going to throw it to another person. We’re going to keep it for ourselves. Eight months ago, I would have thrown it to the other person or tried to share. These days, I take care of me! I hold tight to that life-preserver. There’s a reason I have it and the other person doesn’t.

Next step…. start swimming to shore. I’ve learned how to survive. Now I need to thrive.

chooseorlose

Standing Tall In The Face of Adversity

The strongest among us are those that have weathered every storm, had to fight for everything we have, and had to grow internally to get us to the next stage of our lives. Those that are strong are resilient and even in the darkest days of their life, they don’t wallow in their own self pity. They dust themselves off and they keep it moving. You only get one life to prove yourself, to be the person you are meant to be. Lead your life with strength. 

 

Image